At 30,000 feet in a middle seat, there’s not a lot to do. So I started looking through the magazine, the ones that are always in the seat pockets in front of you.
I normally rarely give them any attention, as the stories they run don’t interest me. However, in this magazine, I find an article in the table of contents on camping. My dreams have been answered! Spending time in the outdoors, enjoying the simple pleasures of nature, has finally entered the mainstream, and can be read about while crossing America by plane.
Quickly turning the pages, I come to a single page on camping. It lists the products that every modern camper should have. Seeing the nicely photographed tent, I should have known better. By the time I finished, I was fully informed of how to truly be “the talk of the camp.”
Oh yes, I’d be the talk of the camp! Starting right off when I started to put up my leopard print tent ($748). Rest assured that I would “never stumble into the wrong tent again.” Unless some other fashion-conscious camper might be sharing our site.
Once I pitched my leopard print tent, it would be time for me to correctly outfit it. With a tent like this, sitting on the ground or an aluminum fold-up stool simply wouldn’t do. I’d need my Pendelton collection stool. The one with “hardwood legs and a leather seat covered in a wool jacquard” ($298).
There I’d be, my tush cradled by wool and leather comfort. Sipping my water from a “pretty cobalt hue” water bottle. The hue “preserves the water inside.” But wait! “This is not a water bottle, it’s a hydration vessel” ($20)
What goes well with that finely preserved water? How about some gourmet marshmallows? Why, “Even your snacks can have style.” With a choice of 78 flavors, “from cinnamon to beef,” your s’mores will never be the same.
And as the flame from your stylish campfire dwindles, it’s time to retire to the comfort of your Pendelton rollup blanket, “because sleeping bags make that unglamorous rustling noise” ($118).
Come morning, when it’s time to break camp, you can pack it all in your “rockin rucksack” made of canvas and leather. Surely all of your camping friends will realize that it’s “classic mountaineering meets urban hipster” ($90).
That’s providing that you can fit all of this in your urban hipster rucksack.
Here it is, $1,280 of the most worthless camping gear that I have ever read about. I’ll keep my eyes out for it when we’re off on our next section hike of the AT. Of course, if I see any of this gear out there, I’ll get you an up to date review.
I’m sorry that I didn’t include any dimensions or weights, but they weren’t included in the article. I guess they’re not as important as looking good on your next camping trip.